Doctors Visits

First let me apologize to all my doctor friends. I have a few and this is not a personal slam at anyone just the business that you are in...

So, let me now begin my rant with 'What is up with the 3 part doctor visit when you go see a specialist?" Both Charles and myself have been to a few specialists in the last few months for various things, in all the scenario's, there are always 3 parts.... WHY???? Let me explain, this is how it goes:

Visit one: Initial Consultation: It should have gone like this.... "Hi Mrs. Davis. Thanks so much for coming and bringing me your $40 co-pay. We here at the clinic do love your insurance company therefore this visit will truly not accomplish much. We'll discuss what could be wrong with you and which of my numerous expensive tests I can perform on you that your insurance company will pay. Then you can come back in a week and have all of these fabulous tests performed. Thanks for coming and don't forget your check book when you return, there will be a co-pay for the test department. "

Visit two: Tests: It should have gone like this.... "Welcome back Mrs. Davis. Thanks so much for coming and bringing us your $50 co-pay for your multiple tests we'll be running today. We'll go over to this building here and run one and then we'll skirt you around to this other building, because they want some money too. Oh, yeah, I almost forgot, let's get some blood and urine specimen's also, those are both an easy $200 charge... Now don't think we are going to give you any results today, Mam. We are only technicians. We can land on Mars and look around with a space probe. We also as a society can do facial, heart and lung transplants. Please do not be fooled by the people on CSI who can get their information immediately. We feel confident that you would like to come back one MORE time to get your results. We like to mail off all of our tests to a testing company because they want some money TOOOOO!"

Visit three: Results: It should have gone like this.... "Hi Mrs. Davis, thanks for coming back one more time. We realize your time is important also, but we are in the business of making money and therefore we felt no shame in calling you back. Of all the extensive tests we've run we didn't really find anything. You look pretty good to us. Let's just give you a round of antibiotics and call us back if you have any further problems. Thanks for coming and please refer all your friends!"

So there, that is it. Three days of annoyance to find out I am fine! Just wondering if anyone else has noticed this retarded-ness???

Gotta go, I need to schedule a doctors appointment, let me find my calendar.....

House Cleaning

Where do I begin this rant? Why is this so drudgerous? UGH!!!

Charles and I were chatting with some couples, and one of the ladies had a house cleaner. I politely looked over and asked Charles why don't we have a house cleaner and he looked at me and said, 'duh, that would be you!'

Another occasion, the guys were talking about playing poker at one of their single friends house and they were talking about how nice and neat this guys house was. Said he had a house keeper. We all concluded that if our husbands were single, they would need a maid as well. I actually chimed in and said Charles needs one now...

So, there it is, I am the stay at home mom. That makes cleaning this abode my job. And what a lovely job it is....

Now, not all of the jobs are 'royal pains in the patoot'. Some I don't mind at all and some are right there with getting a bikini wax... I'll give them in order of lovin' to hatin':

Laundry: I do like doing laundry. For some reason, this is good for me. I like gathering the mess, organizing the mess, putting it in the washer, moving on to dryer and folding and putting away. I am very organized with my laundry. ONLY I, can do laundry. I do it my way. It is my way or the highway!!! Do not come be-bopping in with a load and then forget to move it over to the dryer and then it sits in there until I come along and have to shuffle it along!!! UGH!!!! It is an easy done. Once it is folded and hung up and dragged away, my laundry room is clean and I am rejoiceful.

Kitchen Clean-up: Don't mind doing this either. Everything has a place, and Man created that dishwasher for a reason. I load that puppy up every single day and run it, every single day!!! If I am entertaining, it may run 2 or 3 times that day. I guess I feel like the kitchen is my domain so I don't mind cleaning it up.

Floors: Now we are slowly getting into the not so friendly chores. I despise washing the kitchen floors, or my hardwood in the foyer or dining room. This is so blah! It is this gross semi soapy Mr. clean water that you swab back and forth and voila, it looks better than it did, but I have never, and I repeat never said.... 'Wow that floor is so clean I could eat off of it!'

Toilets: Moving even more down in the food chain here... What is with the texaco station black funk that appears in the toilet? I don't get it, is that bacteria, left over pee and poo, just dirt, it's gross and I can't seem to get a procedure that I like here. I've tried the scrubbers on the handle that you leave in the canister thing behind the toilet. Then I tried the disposable pads that have the cleaner built in, then I've tried the foam you just spray in every 3 or 4 days and you don't have to scrub at all.... It's all gross!!!! Really would love to keep those bleach tablets hanging in the bowls, but since my cat drinks out of the there, I don't really want to fry her brain and have a mentally retarded cat...

Dusting: This is my least favorite of all. Because it is a never ending job! Dust had to have been the reason for the fall of the roman empire. It is freakin' everywhere. And oh gosh, don't let the sun filter through a window and you just look up in the air and it is everywhere.... I start on one side of my living room and by the time I make it around the first part is dusty again... I can't take it... I'm stressing out just typing this. (no not really, I am very laid back, that is why my house is so dusty)

Well, there are tons more topics I could write paragraphs on like vacuuming, washing windows, and just plain picking up, but there must be a limit as to how long your blog can be and I am sure I lost many readers way up there after the pee and poo comment in the toilet section, so I will log off for now. I need to go dust anyway...

Road Trips

I love them! I grew up with road trips and think that traveling in your car across the country is quite cool. Therefore, I will be imparting that lovely sense of open road on my daughter this summer.

As a kid, we traveled alot. My Dad was older when I was born, therefore he retired while I was still in middle school, leaving our summers free. We would be sitting around the kitchen table and my Dad would announce, tomorrow we start driving to the Grand Canyon. When I was 12 we went to Washington, D.C. and NYC. When I was 14 we went to Mount Rushmore. ETC.... We would be gone about 2 to 3 weeks and would eat wherever, sleep whenever and see the 'World's largest Ball of Twine'.

I have officially been to 46 of the 50 states. We somehow missed Seattle and Oregon and well, obviously Alaska is a bit far for a road trip and Hawaii would be impossible. I took all of that traveling for granted. Didn't realize that not many of my friends did.

Sometimes we would stay in real posh hotels, other times it was the 'flea bag Inn'. Sometimes we would dine on steak and some times we would McDonalds it. Whatever we did, it was fun. Even though, I didn't have a DVD player, or a Nintendo DS or even an IPOD. I remember when I was in high school and we trucked to Niagria Falls, I bought a Walkman and thought I was the coolest kid in the back seat EVER!

The crazy thing about road tripping is not having a real set agenda. It's tough when you have to go visit family in Utah and you have only 3 days to do it in. That is not fun! But taking the road less traveled and taking your time to stop at Stuckey's and debate about buying that box of candy with the 1 inch layer of dust on top, is....

So this summer, we will be driving down to NOLA for a cruise and then later in the Summer, Natalie, my Mother and myself will be having a good old fashioned road trip and truck to Orlando, FL. One night we'll eat steak and the next will be Chick-fil-a. Oh and I plan on stopping to see the world largest Frying Pan! I'll be sure and post those pics on FB.

Easter

The older I get the more this Holiday really grows on me! Maybe because the older I get the more spiritual I become. Maybe it is because, I finally found a good allergy medicine and I am not miserable February thru May! Maybe I secretly desire a rabbit! Or maybe I just have to fess up and admit I love Cadburry Eggs and Reese's peanut butter EGGS!

For whatever reason, it is here! This fabulous Revelation started last Sunday, Palm Sunday. I love getting a fresh new Palm for my house. I also enjoyed a thing we did at church where we passed this large wooden cross over our heads, then it was carried up to the front and my husband pounded in the nails, draped it with a cloth and put a crown of thorns up on top. It was truly moving and I cried. (Doesn't take much for me to cry, but this was truly moving!) Then Natalie and I made Easter Cookies in the afternoon.

This week we will continue with church, we have a Maundy Thursday meal and last supper re-enactment. A Service will be Friday evening and the culmination will be on Sunday! I am so looking forward to it, that we will go to both services, our normal contemporary and the traditional later. The second service is unusual for us, but Natalie will officially join the church and participate in a first communion! My parents will come and we will have a fabulous lunch at home!

In writing this, I just came to the conclusion of why I like Easter so much....

I love the rebirth of it all! It is Christ resurrected! It is a spring! It is new flowers! It is a new year! Things that were dormant all winter are blossoming! It's another chance at everything!

Well enough about the sappy stuff. I need to get back to my sarcasm and rants. Those come easier....

Cruise #13

Lucky Number 13. Yes this cruise that we just booked will be my number 13 and I can't wait. I am as giddy as I was for number 1. Cruises are fantastic for so many different reasons that I love planning them and then going. Yahoo! I should work for the cruise industry because I am such a big cheerleader for them. Some of the highlights:

Cabin Steward:
This is the biggest excitement that I can share. You have this cabin steward that cleans up your cabin. Granted you have a cabin the size of my closet here at home, however, it is always clean. Make a big mess in the bathroom, no prob! Threw your wet towels in the floor, no prob! Need more ice in your ice bucket, no prob! Bed made, floor vacuumed, counter top cleaned off. HEAVEN!!!

Drink of the Day:
Where else do you go that invites you for a drink of the day? Wal-mart, work, the dry cleaners? No, it's a cruise ship. It is a tasty little concoction of either a rum punch or spin on an old classic like a screwdriver. Usually in a 'fru fru' glass, but doesn't have to be. Cute little name, like the Yellow Bird. Also, what a no brainer. Let's see what will I have today, oh yeah, the 'drink of the day'.

All you can Eat Ice Cream Machine:
Now this is my husbands and daughters equivalent to the drink of the day. I personally could care less, however they thoroughly enjoy this feature. The fact that it is practically 24/7 is great also.

Formal Dining:
Love this feature. We usually go with our friends Barbara, Greg and Allie. Sometimes my parents will go along and sometimes we bring other couples. Sometimes Barbara and I will bring 21 other women. Whoever goes and no matter how many. We ALL come together for formal dining in the dining room. We are freshened up, new outfit, feeling like a million dollars. You get to order anything you want off the menu and as much as you want. Want two appetizers, fabulous, want two soups, go for it! Don't like what you selected as the main entree and are peering enviously at your spouses steak, go for it. Tell your waiter, it is there in minutes. The food is great! Is it gourmet, maybe, is it 5 Star Michelin Worthy, well maybe not, but keep in mind this kitchen just fed 2,000 to 4,500 people. The food is pretty tasty and you didn't have to cook not one bit of it!!!

Price Worthy:
People often think of cruises as very expensive. Not So! You can make it as economical or as pricey as you would like. You can choose an interior room with no window. You can choose a suite with an extra large balcony. You can choose Carnival or your can choose Silversea. All of my cruises have been with the more economical lines, Carnival or Royal Caribbean. We choose a room with a window. The price includes room, food and entertainment.

Each to his Own:
This is the best feature of them all. Each person can do whatever they want. Want to lay in the sun? Want to go play bingo? Want to lie in the shade with a book? Want to sit in your cabin and watch a movie? Whatever? Everyone can enjoy their own pace and their own speed. You know you will be coming together at the formal dining.

So, hope you enjoyed my thoughts. If this sounds like fun, you can always join me and Barbara as we set sail with our families in June. Bon Voyage!

Restaurants

I love eating out! I like the whole idea of it. Not having to think about what to cook at home. Getting to pick whatever your little heart desires off the menu. Just relaxing while it is cooking and best part of all, No Clean Up! I also like eating at all different types of restaurants. I like BYB and I also like Folks Folly's. I love eating Mexican and I love steakhouses. Heck, I enjoy a good old double cheeseburger from Mickey D's. I have over the years come up with some good Restaurant Tips that I would like to share. Maybe it is because I grew up in a restaurant or I just have alot of friends who work in restaurants or that I just frequent them enough, but here you go. Hopefully these will make your dining experience even better.

• Assume the worst service no matter where you go, except of course really fine dining and you won't be disappointed. If you except the wait at the door to be long, and your server to be young and inexperienced, and the food to take forever, etc. etc. then when it doesn't turn out that way, you will be pleasantly surprised! This way it won't bug me when I am seated at the same time as the table next to me and they get to eat before our waiter even discovers someone is sitting in their section. So, when it does turn out to be us with the good server I am over the moon. I know you are saying to yourself, it shouldn't be that way. You should get great service and great food everytime, yeah right, dream on. This is 2009, my next waiter might be a disgruntled mortgage broker that just lost his job.
• Don't order the Special of the day. This could be one of two things. Something the kitchen wants to unload or something that the chef is experimenting with and wants to charge you double for what it would normally charge if it were on the menu. I mean if it sounds good, it might be just don't be surprised when you get the bill and everyone elses was $15 and yours was $35. Choose wisely Indiana Jones.
• Don't send your food back, EVER! Listen, I know you like your steak extra well done with ketchup and it has a tinge of pink, just don't eat that part, okay. So you ordered fries and they sent you a baked potato, let it go... Don't be snobby to the waitress, don't raise your voice or be rude. Because of one simple reason. They will mess with it! Unless you are the GM (General Manager) or Head chef, these folks are making a meager hourly salary and they have no time for your hijinks. Don't think they won't spit in your burrito, drop your steak on the floor, or pee in your cup. I have heard it all.
• Tip Well. Come on, if you get good service, give 20 %. The best tippers are people who have been in those positions. Servers do not get paid that well, and the tip is a huge part of their salary. Even if the service was the crappiest ever, I have never stiffed anyone. They might have just gotten a dollar or two but still. There is that bad karma out there about stiffing the tipping.
• Lastly, for my sanity sake, keep up with what you ordered. There is nothing that grates on my nerves worse than when the server comes back to the table and shouts out, who had the steak and potato and half of the table is in LaLa Land. Granted this does not happen in a fine dining establishment. They will know exactly what you ordered and set it exactly in front of you. However, the majority of the restaurants that I frequent have this lazy policy of not really caring who ordered what. So pay attention and remember what it was. Don't grab my plate and take three bites and realize you didn't order green beans. Come on, how hard can it be... At this point, I usually have half the table memorized and I will help the waitress out, oh, the meat loaf special goes to the lady on the end with the dazed look in her eye.

So, I hope I have helped a little bit. If not given you a chuckle for the day. Enjoy going out to eat the next time you are at a restaurant and please pass on these tidbits of info. I don't want to hear that you were the person who took a bite of your sandwich and found a finger in it.

Miss Manners

Never thought of myself as having great manners. Just thought of myself as an average Joe. However, working in the public in both teaching cooking classes and working in a retail environment, I have realized that lots of people truly have no manners. The weird thing is, I can't put a profile on it either. The rich, the poor, the middle roaders, the people who think they are rich but aren't and the people who want to act poor but aren't are all subject to having BAD manners. Here are some of my biggest pet peeves in no particular order. So if any of you out there do these, please stop the insanity. I am begging you!

Covering your Mouth:

• Sneezing - At what point do you think, I'll just spray this sneeze all over the room. It doesn't matter if you turn your head or not, it is still spraying. Stop IT! Not only is there germs flying around, there is also your nasty spit!
• Coughing - This could be a dry cough or a wet lung sludge cough. Whatever it is, I realize you must cough, just cover your mouth. Catch whatever phylm (sp?) comes flying out and for heavens sake wash your hands afterwards. (ESPECIALLY, if you are in my cooking class)
• Yawning - This is the hugest pet peeve of mine. No, I don't want to inspect your mouth and see if you still have your tonsils. There are 2 instances to this that bug me. Those that yawn when I or someone else is chatting. I realize I may be boring, but please wake yourself up. OR, those that yawn when they think no one is looking at them. Yes, I am looking and I saw that you have no manners and you yawned like a mother lion in the African Safari getting ready to chomp on some prey. STOP!

Licking your knife:

Is this a southern thing? Is that food so good that you don't want to miss not even one little drop that you raise that sharp pointy thing to your mouth and lick it clean? Really, did it taste that good? First of all that just looks rude. Second of all that is dangerous. Quit!

Common Phrases not spoken enough:

• Please - It's not so hard to say one little word. When asking anyone for anything, it is so easy and so nice to hear. Sometimes I'll throw it out there twice. i.e. Natalie, please, can you get Mommy another diet coke, PLEASE. See how easy that was...
• Thank You - I do hear this alot, but just not enough. I thank people for thanking me. Somebody will thank me for something and I'll say back, No, thank you. Wow, they either think I'm an idiot or really feel good. Either way, it gives them something to think about....
• I'm Sorry - What is the hang-up about this? Believe me, people really like to hear it. Somebody actually spilled something down my leg at work. Do you know what they said, 'Ooops'. What the heck does that mean, were you sorry, did you care? Have people ever heard 'you catch more flies with honey than vinegar'? Step up to the plate when the situation is bad and throw it out there. Let's all practice... "I'mmmm Sooorrrryyy".

Burping, Farting and other bodily noises:

Just stop this when in public. I know everyone passes gas. I know everyone burps, just stop doing it in front of ME! It's not cute when men do it, it's not cute when children do it. There is no reason to even let some big 'Hofbrau Haus' burp out and then think it is okay afterwards to say, "Excuse Me". Too late, I already was grossed out! Save all of that when you are alone or in the bathroom, then fart until you've deflated yourself.

So I hope I didn't offend anyone. I just had this rant that I needed to let loose on.... Thank you and I'm sorry....